Excerpted from Chapter 7: Do All These Drunk People Really Need to Be on a Sugar High, Too? The Wedding Cake
Nothing symbolizes true love better than a $1,200 pastry. You must spend the money, though, because your guests will be absolutely devastated if you don’t have a cake. Even your diabetic friends would rather attend a wedding with no groom than one with no dessert. So, off you go to a variety of bakeries to taste cake. When you were twelve years old, this sounded like the best activity of all time...then again, so did lighting your farts on fire. What should that tell you?
The fact is that the cake tasting can be surprisingly stressful for both bride and groom. The bride is tense because she is trying to lose weight before the wedding. The cake is therefore an evil specter that looms over the event. It’s like a psycho ex-lover who shows up at your birthday party – only worse because you can’t have angry “I hate you” sex with a cake.
Meanwhile, the groom is stressed because he has to find the vocabulary to describe all the different types of cake he’s eating, even though what he’s thinking is: “Cake. Good. Me. Happy.”
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